mesin masa

ADHD

2011-11-28T17:23:00.000-08:00

Gua tengah layan baca wikipedia pasal benda apa tah. link punya link last-last gua sampai page pasal attention deficit hyperactivity disorder atau ADHD.

Predominantly inattentive type symptoms may include:^[29]

Be easily distracted, miss details, forget things, and frequently switch from one activity to another
Have difficulty maintaining focus on one task
Become bored with a task after only a few minutes, unless doing something enjoyable
Have difficulty focusing attention on organizing and completing a task or learning something new or trouble completing or turning in homework assignments, often losing things (e.g., pencils, toys, assignments) needed to complete tasks or activities
Not seem to listen when spoken to
Daydream, become easily confused, and move slowly
Have difficulty processing information as quickly and accurately as others
Struggle to follow instructions.

Predominantly hyperactive-impulsive type symptoms may include:^[29]

Fidget and squirm in their seats
Talk nonstop
Dash around, touching or playing with anything and everything in sight
Have trouble sitting still during dinner, school, and story time
Be constantly in motion
Have difficulty doing quiet tasks or activities.

and also these manifestations primarily of impulsivity:^[29]

Be very impatient
Blurt out inappropriate comments, show their emotions without restraint, and act without regard for consequences
Have difficulty waiting for things they want or waiting their turns in games

Lu orang ada masalah ni?

Insyallah

2011-11-02T02:40:00.000-07:00

Love And Balls

2011-10-18T10:02:00.000-07:00

I've been playing football since I was a little kid. I love the game and actually quite good at it. My history of playing football started when I was still living at kampung. Me and my friends, we played football every day because we were so passionate about it. We were even coloured our shirt with number we wanted. I chose 5. later, I changed it to 11. The number Rokawa Kaede of Slamdunk wore.

Those days were fun. I remember when it comes to friendly match between kampungs, a lot of people will surely come to watch including those makciks even it was just a small match nobody didn't have to care about. I was still too young to join the team so just like everybody else outside the field, I stand cheering our beloved football team with all our heart.

I was 12 when I first got myself my first football jersey (the real one, not the painting job one). Got myself the famous 1o number, the number top striker usually wore. Turn out I didn't played well on the first match with my school team. I remembered I went to toilet for many times because I was too nervous to play.

cool kids play football, not DOTA

Ok so now it's 20 years later. I can't play football as often as I used to. Life got miserably changed. Turn out people grow older and what older people do? they have to pay the bills. It turns out to be money and car and house and shit. No more football games. There are lesser passion in watching football games also.

Sometimes I got fed up with other people who support certain football team. Let see, if you lived in Melaka and work in Negeri Sembilan, you should be able to support any other team compete in the MSL, right? because it is all about the passion for the game. You "felt" the touch between the leg and the ball even you're just watching. You "knew" it is hard for the player to make certain move, even you're just watching. That why we love watching football, right?

Supporting a football club is not about knowing all the players name, the glorious history of the club or all investment and contribution they've made all this while only. That's not passion, that's studying. You love the game first, interested and curious about certain team, and then is when you start digging more information about them.

Too passionate of simply lose the bet?

Well, other people might have different opinion and different reason to play/watch/support football. All I can say is it's not only about 22 guys chasing after one ball. Whoever says that is a dumb fuck.

One day

2011-10-12T09:22:00.000-07:00

One day, I'll sell everything
and become a free man
who didn't have to worry about anything in the world
and grow old smiling
I won't give a shit about who runs the government
it doesn't matter anymore
because the world is old enough
it needs a break

One day, I'll see everyone
and feel pity on them
because while they're all running
racing and compete to each other
I'll sit, have a drink and sing
because I don't care anymore
because I'm just too tired

One day, I'll quit my job
it will be you young apprentice turn now
to work hard, to laugh at the boss jokes
to simply doesn't have the time for your love one
and start to lose them one by one
until when you realize it
it'll be too late
and I'll be the one who said wisely
"told you so, son"

One day, I'll start a rock band
and tour around the world
doesn't matter if we're good or not
because I'm too rich to care about what you think
you'll buy my song anyway
because my money will buy you at the first place

One day, when everything doesn't make any sense anymore
you'll follow my footsteps
and become the monk
of my nonsense temple

I wrote this after YM with jelai. I'm so fucked up right now, I need to write something stupid. And you should start to write your penguburanprosa again jelai.

wordless monday

2011-10-10T09:02:00.000-07:00

What's happening

2011-09-28T05:17:00.000-07:00

It's so hard to express my feeling lately. Bila aku gagal bercakap, aku hisap rokok. bila aku teringat eja, aku teringat impian untuk deko rumah yang bakal kami duduk sama-sama. Eja ada good taste hal-hal menghias ni. bukan macam aku.

Rumah akan siap dalam 2 bulan ni. masuk pasang gril dan buat wiring maybe 3 bulan dah boleh duduk. Sekarang ni aku stuck apa aku nak buat dengan rumah tu. Kalau bujang aku prefer menyewa je. pasal tak payah fikir pasal maintenance rumah semua.

Sepanjang bulan puasa hari tu aku memasak. seronok. aku dah loya nak beli makanan kat pasar ramadhan sejak kena keracunan makanan pasal makan nasi lemak basi yang aku beli. Kalau rumah aku siap aku nak buat dapur cantik-cantik. biar nampak macam rumah anak dara pun tak apa.

Dapur ni aku rasa sesuai la untuk rumah aku yang sekangkang kera tu

Hari selasa yang lepas aku main kugiran untuk company aku punya jamuan hari raya. lots of fun. Dari hari pertama prektis masa semua orang nervous sampai hari jamuan turn out things went really well. Main lagu-lagu raya. Payah gak sebenarnya lagu-lagu raya ni. Dari susunan musik yang detail sampai ke key vokal yang tinggi. Nasib baik last minit dapat penyanyi jemputan jelmaan adibah noor dan awie. haha.

Ben bagi nenas dekat awie. The rest are kama and me on guitar, adibah noor, brader mahat on bass and john as the drummer

It's been quite a productive week i guess. Except I feel empty inside. God knows.

Don't Know Why

2011-09-19T09:41:00.000-07:00

Reviewing You

2011-09-16T19:27:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite things to do while surfing the internet is to read movies review. It gives me some ideas before spending money on it to watch it since I'm quite a movie freak. I watched a lot of movie while I was growing up. Hollywood's, Bollywood's, Malay's movie, B-rated (rarely since I found it hard to get this kinda movie that is in good quality to watch) and yeah porn movies included in my list. this give me the idea to start some review page for movies that I've watched. Wait, why don't just review everything? movies, songs, bands, anything that will keep my time a bit occupy. Because let's admit it, we've been surfing the internet too damn much recently and most of it for no good reason. So here it is. The review may not be satisfying and written in poor english but give me some chance to improve will ya, cocky bastard? haha.

Enough with the babbling.

I discovered this sweedish band quite recently. yeah I might be too late to realize how brilliant these guys/lady are. Blame the MTV for playing shitty music nowadays but you must be a complete moron not to love their tunes ones you've heard it. The first song that have catched my ear was (as you probably could guess) lovefool. A hit song back in the 90's. And then try to listen to the slow melancholic "Communication". It'll suit you the most while driving alone at night.

"I need some fine and you, you need to be nicer" is the song i love the most in this compilation (did i use the term correctly?) since the lyric inspire me a lot. Nina might not have the cute little voice anymore but you'll get her new matured well evolved voice as a replacement.

I fully recommend you people to try to play "don't blame your doughter (diamonds)" yourself while in jamming studio. Leave the violin part, try to replace it with some keyboard. I think it's not so hard to play especially with the guitar, bass guitar and drum part. The song full with delicious chording or what we usually called "chord pelik" Well I don't know about you guys but it's "pelik" enough for me.

Rating: 8/10

p/s: hit me back with your opinion regarding my review and my english writing.

Lari Dan Babi

2011-09-13T07:39:00.001-07:00

masih ada yang mengambil kesempatan

ketika mulai jauh dan ada regangan

tiada khabar pagi ini dikirimkan

terasa sesak nafas, dalam hati segalanya ku simpan

bila tiba masanya nanti, aku buat tatapan

di masa depan,

itu aku fikirkan..

nah, ramai orang ingat mereka hebat membaca

jangan lupa bisikan-bisikan halus di telinga

tidak lebih dari bisikan syaitan semata

yang sentiasa buat kita percaya

yang kaca itu permata..

buta..

ingatlah hari ini kejian yang kita beri

akan datang kembali di kemudian hari

menjengah tanpa kita sedari

gelak tawanya ke sekian kali

menyapu ke muka sendiri..

pasti..

aku bukan lari bukan mahu menyendiri

cuma aku rasa facebook itu tidak lebih dari

seekor babi..

decorate

2011-08-29T06:17:00.000-07:00

So you decided to see me out of the blue
Should I let you come over
I think you’re doing fine
That girl in your arms
Does she know where you come from

Almost made me move out of town
You don’t want me to be around
But I stayed anyway
Just in case

Finding reasons to hate you more than before
Like how you said you would call
But never at all
Got rid off your number that I know by heart

You left your things at my place
As if I have all the space
Cause you know I don’t mind
Just come back when you think it’s time

I’m all black and white inside
Monotonous from left to right
I decorate my house with things you love
Just in case you show up
In case you show up

Disconnection

2011-08-07T04:59:00.000-07:00

Disconnection. why would you do that for?

Pengumuman puasa

2011-07-10T01:05:00.000-07:00

kepada manusia-manusia.

yang boleh bermain bass.

kami sedang mencari seorang.

lokasi bermain sekitar melaka atau shah alam berdekatan Uitm.

plan utk release demo dalam masa terdekat.

tak perlu skill hebat-hebat tahap cliff burton.

cuma nak main musik dan buat sesuatu selain kerja hari-hari.

we're just a bunch of people who doesn't really good at doing music but still using it as a way to express ourselves. :)

0176573995. msg sahaja. tq.

It's not just a game

2011-07-02T20:33:00.001-07:00

I was there when we beat Indonesian ass 3-0 at Bukit Jalil. The stadium was full with people you can't even sneak your head between people to see the match. People were wearing yellow and black stripes or the lucky blue red jersey, with scarf and hat and all. It was the first time since there were so many people watching Malaysian football match as far as I can remember.

There are a lot of things happen. things that are good. Despite some malaysian throwing bottles to the Indonesian crowd, none were harm or being attacked. Supporters of the two sides were even took a photo together and hugged at the end of the match. Although, 90 minutes before, it was so tense I can't hardly breath with every attacks and defends the Malaysian side had.

I can write about the game all day. Hell I can talk about it everyday. It was a good memory. But that's not what I'm trying to write right now. If you look closer, you can see the Malaysian people came to the match, sit next to people they barely knew without hesitation. Political differences is not the main concern. Nor religion or race. They were cheering and screaming together.

Winning the game is not the only thing that made me happy that night. I'm a very moderate person in terms of politic consciousness. I don't care who win the election. I don't believe in public responsiblity crap to vote. I'm just a person who work to make a living. If you think what I believe in is wrong than that's your problem. I don't think it's going to be a big problem in your big fucking society for an ignorant like me.

Winning that match with Indonesia've made people forgot their political stands and race/religion differences. So tonight the football team need to win this match because the Malaysian people are so politically frustrated right now, they need a reason to chill out.

Going the distance

2011-06-24T11:41:00.000-07:00

tonight I'll be alone

alone again like any other night before

reading and writing doesn't help

music and movies hit nothing anymore

life seems empty

when I thought It'll be fulfilling

so depressingly annoyyed

with everything that don't matter

I feel like puking everytime i woke up from sleep at night

When I look around in the dark

search for light and guidance

lost in my own thought

I got no distance left to run.

Lonesome

2011-06-02T04:42:00.000-07:00

I'm sort of lonesome when I wrote this. lonely is a tiring feeling if I may describe the way I see it. It is a feeling that kinda makes me worried at the same time. Not like I've got nothing more to worry about for instance I've got this examination for the training I've been attending for four goddam days. I was suppose to study and don't get me wrong I've planned toward it when Aliff asked me to watch a movie. X-men: the first class that is. I'm not really fancy about the movie but at least that's the plan for wasting time tonight.

So I was just light up my ciggarete when Aliff walked in. He was just took a shower and got inside his room where I've been crashing since the 1st day of my training. He make a funny move/dance to tag along with music I've been listen to. I tagged along and we both laughed at our own stupidity. Stupid is a very subjective word. You can excel at school and still been called stupid when you make a mistake at office. How do we measure our level of stupidity till at some point we can count ourselves as certified morons?

Can you die out of loneliness? what are reasons to be lonesome? I was looking out of aliff's window to get some fresh air when I saw a guy revved hard his car engine. I can feel how suffer the engine would be. How hard the combusted fuel pumped the piston up and down. Silence doesn't always the reason that leads to loneliness feeling. I still feel it even surrounded by that noisy son of a bitch. He finally stopped and went inside his house. He'll continue again tomorrow night I guessed. What's with you people with your car performance ego anyway. I mean I work in mechanical engineering field. I understand how engine works and all. The thing that fascinated me is how it actually could works rather than overspending money to be a fucking show off asshole.

This entry not going to make any sense. I probably suffered the emotional breakdown sickness. probably should continue studying on this lubricant control nonsense and I just noticed that I'm out of my Dunhill 20's. Crap.

Eat, Pray, Love

2011-06-01T04:47:00.000-07:00

To attend a wedding invitation, for me, I must be really close to the bride/bridegroom or otherwise, it doesn't mean anything to me. I might be high on magic mushroom when I write this so i apologize for any offended feelings. Most of us malays have a fear/culture of thinking that "if we didn't attend our friends/relatives wedding ceremony, they won't attend our's" well i think that's pure crap.

And what is the importance of invitation card anyway? I know i need them as a map and it really helps to remind me about the date and all but that's just it. If you feel like cherishing the couple and they deserve to be celebrated or just to pay respect to their invitation, doesn't matter if they invite you through facebook or SMS or with fancy invitation card, you should just come. Or, in any way u feel like your presence would be really appreciated then get your lazy ass to their wedding ceremony. A fancy invitation card doesn't represent people honesty and hope for you to come. They're just some paper with malay/arabic words printed in it. nothing more. yeah and some prayer words. don't get me wrong I respect every pray to god but I don't think you people even read it before you throw it away.

I'm not really into social event kind of guy. I hate to be around people I don't really know. I'm not blaming society when I'm just being a lazy fuck who didn't come to his friends wedding day. If you're a mate then you deserve my respect. You don't have to make a big fancy invitation card to invite me surely I still come to your big day (subject to my working hour, still) if I got the chance to. I've failed to attend some wedding ceremony and I still regretted it because you guys are my friends and a friend deserve my respect. Wedding ceremony is about a day you announce to the people who didn't know that you're married to your partner. It's about chance for families, relatives, friends, colleagues and other people you invited to share your happiness on your big day. You don't want people who tend to complaint about the food taste or talk bad about your wedding day to come.

This is just a thought of mine. A personal opinion that might change as I grew older and perhaps, wiser. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe it's about acceptance to the society doesn't matter how bad they treated us so we just have to invite them all. Maybe I'm just being fucked up for thinking too much.

Hasbulah, Zatie and Eddie, Aji, Caduk and Ako, I definitely want to come to your wedding. I will if I got the chance to.

and here's your good old wish guys. Selamat Pengantin Baru dan selamat berbahagia dengan pasangan :)

p/s : my English sucks. but you know what I mean right?

the catcher in the rye

2011-05-29T08:36:00.000-07:00

finally got my hand on this book. will write about it later after finish reading it. hihi.

Kenapa?

2011-05-18T09:19:00.000-07:00

kenapa blog-blog yang aku terjumpa, baca dan rasa seronok kebanyakannya stop menulis? ke diorang ada medium penulisan yang lain?

setakat ni tehtarikgelasbesar je steady. twittez, kolamudangbatulapan, penguburan prosa, j abdullah, bangun berdiri sume bungkus. aiyo.

Pensunatan Jiwa (Versi hilang dara)

2011-05-15T09:22:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine asked me to read back what I wrote 3 years ago on friendster. pensunatan jiwa. He didn't tell me why. kenapa nak baca balik apa yang aku tulis dulu? aku ingat dia ada tulis something funny untuk dikongsi ataupun sengaja ajak online guna friendster since facebook terlalu glemer dan dah jadi membosankan bila hari-hari aku pandang.

Bila aku baca, berbakul-bakul perasaan datang menyerang serentak. terperanjat aku. betul ke aku penah tulis benda alah ni dulu?

pensunatan jiwa adalah tulisan aku mengenai kehidupan. apa yang aku tahu pasal kehidupan sebenarnya? aku baru 23 tahun masa aku tulis. aku rasa bodoh gila bila aku baca balik apa yang aku tulis. rasa macam nak delete semuanya, biarkan kebodohan aku tu lenyap dari dunia internet. aku tulis pasal pembersihan jiwa, pasal cara kita patut jalankan hidup dan macam-macam lagi macam aku ni seorang bijak pandai berusia 200 tahun.

tapi bila perasaan berbakul-bakul tu mula mendap dalam pemikiran aku, datanglah pendekar hitam memberi salam. oh, baru aku faham. setelah berbincang dengan pendekar hitam tentang apa yang aku patut buat, aku start kereta pegi puncak jalil. sampai punca jalil aku bertapa kat satu gua gelap yang mana tempat-tempat macam ni memang hishamudin rais benci. cukup 5 jam bertapa, aku balik rumah dengan senyuman.

p/s: hari-hari kita kena belajar benda baru, apatah lagi bila umur dah tua-tua ni.

A thought in the darkness

2011-05-03T18:32:00.000-07:00

It is the second night of my staying here. Quite an experience. My body hurt a bit as the consequence of going snorkeling for the whole day. Finally, got a piece of paper to write. A nice old man gave it to me. Right now I'm on my bed (it's a 11 double deckers bedded dorm) writing with the help of light from my cell phone.

There're about 22 people sharing the room with me. It's quite uncomfortable to mingle around with people I don't really know at first. Turn out, it's not too bad at all. Bapak (a guy who looks older than anyone else), is the friendliest one. He told me a lot of stories about his career and marriages. Not like I really interested to listen to his mumblings, but it's just nice to know more about people rather than judging them from distance.

I've been searching for a paper to write this thought when I found a note in my wallet written "remember us, remember our stories". Eja gave it to me. I, until now am unable to express how I felt toward this break up to anyone. regrets, sadness, frustration are emotionally bugging my mind. Guess it was finally didn't work between us, that's what I might answer if anyone asking about me and Eja. Hopefully she'll meet a better guy. She's a nice lady. Strong on the inside and out. People should treat her nicely. She was my best politic discusser. Most of the time we're in different side of opinion. We used to debate and arguing for hours.

I hate to be a living sad man. Right now I'm trying to heal and moving on. I should get serious with the band. Start collecting materials and stuffs or maybe continuing on study for degree (I'm just a diploma holder)

I'm sleepy already. Do we always need to end a writing properly to please the reader? No, we don't have to. Good night.

1.22 am, may 2nd 2011

Perhentian Island.

leaving on a jet plane.

2011-04-29T02:21:00.000-07:00

tolong temankan saya malam ini encik john denver..

what's left

2011-04-27T06:16:00.000-07:00

Its been 4 days since I broke up with eja. senyap je. semua benda bergerak perlahan. breaking up might be the worst decision ever. well, its not my decision anyway. she's wants it, so I just agree with it in silence. silence is my thing. most of the time, I shut my mouth off. I'm not in good any come back words when we're fighting. lagi bertambah teruk kalau aku bersuara.

I cleaned my room yesterday. it's been a year since my last time, I guess. found a lot of stuff. some still useful like my missing guitar string set, coins, abandoned lyrics I wrote quite some times ago and some just plain trash. the reason I clean my room is because I can't sleep in front of the tv like I always did anymore.

I'm going to Pulau Perhentian tomorrow. I always thought it would be our greatest holiday ever. me and eja. thought this would give us more energy to our relationship. you know, like giving the relationship the "spark" again. well, since we've broke up, I guess it will be just me, fahmi, syuk (and his girlfriend linie) and bunch of other people I don't really know. I'm going to drive my car. it's going to be a long journey. tiring but it's good anyway. driving car would give me some time to think. I live in a fast and hectic world so I don't have much time to think about serious stuff. most of my decision I've made in my life, I did it quickly and sometimes spontaneously. beli rumah dekat sendayan pun aku decide dalam sehari je.

Anybody who haven't watch scott pilgrim vs the world, go watch it now. it's a good movie. tak macam scream 4 hanjeng tu.

p/s: This entry was written in english so the writer could train his english writings. gua memang gagal dalam bahasa inggeris. jahanam, bukan salah pun sekali-sekala ye dak?

sial lah

2011-01-11T20:55:00.000-08:00

bila gua mula bagus
gua suka cari pasal
gua hilang respek kat orang
sekarang gua rasa bebal
dulu gua benci orang tak pandai respek orang
gua terkena balik
gua silap lah
sial lah..

pengadil

2010-11-14T04:15:00.000-08:00

bapak aku dulu pengadil gasing pangkah. aku taktau la setakat mana tahap ketelusan beliau mengadili perlawanan gasing antara kampung. tapi kan..

INI REF MEMANG CILAKE!

p/s: dah lama tak maki hamun tengok bola..

Ayah

2010-10-31T04:26:00.000-07:00

aku rasa terpanggil untuk belajar balik. dulu masa sekolah menengah dah belajar dan selalu buat. maklumlah sekolah tengah-tengah bandar kat melaka tu. orang senang nak dtg.

sepatutnya semua orang terutama lelaki kena tau benda ni semua. malu aku bila fikir balik. aku tinggalkan ilmu baik yang dulu kira expert gak aku amalkan.

jom sama-sama kita.

Mimpi

2010-08-23T16:23:00.000-07:00

malam tadi gua mimpi
gua bertengkar gila babi dengan ayah
sampai satu tahap
ayah sakit dada
terus gua peluk pinggang ayah, minta maaf
bila gua terjaga gua dah menangis

Ya Allah, panjangkanlah umur kedua ibu dan bapaku supaya mereka sempat melihat aku berjaya dalam hidup. berkatilah hidup mereka. apabila mereka meniggal dunia kelak, jauhi mereka dari azab kubur dan api neraka. permudahkan mereka melintasi siratul mustakim. tempatkan mereka di kalangan orang yang beriman dan beramal soleh. Amin.

Hantu

2010-08-21T19:29:00.000-07:00

adakah gua akan berada di office sorang-sorang sampai petang? oh shit. malam tadi tengok cerita hantu lak tu.

mungkin hantu rambut panjang akan merangkak keluar dari pc gua ni?

atau hantu lompat-lompat akan melompat-lompat atas mesin photostate? seraya menjahanamkan satu lagi harta syarikat?

atau hantu berbungkus akan bergolek-goleh keluar dari bilik En. Azmerr?

fuck! gua tak suka tengok cerita hantu pasal benda macam ni lah. terbawa-bawa ke dunia realiti. mamposlah nak standby kat office sorang-sorang.

*reply text eja masuk ke hp canggih gua* "sy beli nasi kerabu, laksa dan roti jala"

gua pon membalas text jantung hati gua dengan tersengih-sengih macam biasa sambil teringat sekarang ni tengah puasa mana ada hantu (maksud gua jin/syaitan yang menyerupai sesuatu). hahaha. yes!

pms: adakah gua akan jumpa hantu lepas bulan puasa nanti? alamak.

Gua pon nak wish selamat berpuasa

2010-08-17T16:19:00.000-07:00

lepas-lepas sahur ialah waktu ganas untuk menahan mata. perut dah kenyang. kalau nak tido, boleh je pasal ada masa lagi. tapi jangan buat pasal. semalam dah jadi kes. tido lepas sahur, bangun balik pukul 9am. masuk kerja sepatutnya pukul 8.30. memang macam company tu pakcik sahat yang punya. terus gua text pomen gua. "bang sori lambat. terlajak le pulak"

jadi gua gunakan kesempatan yang ada basuh baju. pakai wash machine la lakbau. zaman pakai tangan dah lama berlalu sejak ada duit sket ni. sambil-sambil tu boleh la FB + blogging ye tak. keh..keh bijaknya gua.

seronok ak puasa. boleh join orang lain yang berpuasa pegi shopping kat bazar ramadhan, boleh kira hari bila nak raya, chill-chill lepas terawih. layan teh tarik sambil pakai kain pelekat. perghh. hanya otai-otai je faham feeling tu.

gua sebenarnya nak wish je. selamat berpuasa, malaun-malaun semua. heh.

Bukan Siapa-Siapa

2010-07-19T12:03:00.000-07:00

aku bukanlah siapa-siapa, yang punya apa-apa
untuk meminta lebih dari yang sepatutnya
tidak layak dipenuhi segala permintaanya
tidak perlu diikut segala kemahuannya

aku bukanlah siapa-siapa, yang punya apa-apa
pangkatku bukanlah setinggi pemimpin kerajaan tersohor
hartaku tidaklah sebanyak emas ditabur-tabur
wajahku tidak seelok mimpi anak gadis ketika tidur

aku bukanlah siapa-siapa, yang punya apa-apa
permintaanku yang rumit, itu fitrahku dari kecil
syarat-syaratku, tali pedoman yang kupegang
harapanku, tempat aku bersandar penuhi angan-angan

aku bukanlah siapa-siapa, yang punya apa-apa
yang leceh, itu yang aku pilih
yang sempit, itu yang aku damba
yang tertutup, itu yang aku impi
yang asli, itu yang aku mahu
yang perlahan..
yang tunduk..
yang menjaga..

Ujang

2010-07-16T12:51:00.000-07:00

sudah pukul 3.50am dan aku belum mengantuk. budak-budak lain semua tengah tidur di celah-celah meja pejabat yang sunyi dan sejuk gaban ni. merengkok di antara kubikel-kubikel.

mungkin penangan milo panas tadi.

entah macam mana aku terbuka blog kartunis tembakau. seorang artist berbakat tanahair yang bekerja untuk majalah Ujang sekitar 90an.

terus aku teringat.

zaman tu punyalah semangat nak beli majalah Ujang setiap bulan. sanggup minta duit dengan mak. kalau edisi bumper sempena hari raya, bulan puasa, merdeka etc lagilah best. majalah Ujang masa tu dibarisi kartunis-kartunis yang mantap-mantap belaka. lukisan dan lawak mereka berkisar kehidupan seharian. lawak mat motor, lawak pak imam masjid, lawak budak hostel, dll.

minat punya pasal, aku praktis melukis kartun. makin lama makin tere. sampai aku rasa aku memang ada bakat melukis. tah ingat pulak macam mana hilangnya minat tu sekarang. mungkin hilang seperti hilangnya bisa majalah Ujang ataupun mana-mana majalah kartun yang ada sekarang. aku ada terbaca pasal masalah yang melanda majalah Ujang. macam mana ujang disingkir dari majalah hasil ideanya sendiri. bodoh betul bisnesmen yang taktau apa-apa pasal dunia kretif ni. sekarang yang ada cuma lukisan ala-ala komik jepun/cina yang tak best langsung.

apa cerita lah kartunis-kartunis yang lain tu agaknya. bertebaran cari rezeki kat tempat lainlah agaknya. harap-harap murah rezeki mereka. terima kasih kerana mewarnai dunia budak-budak aku dan jadi inspirasi aku ketika kecil. malap je dunia kartun tempatan tanpa mereka. budak-budak sekarang dah ada intenet. tak susah lagi nak cari bahan bacaan kat kedai runcit mamak. main kelik-kelik aja. ruginya mereka tak dapat rasa pengalaman baca majalah ujang semasa zaman kegemilangan Ujang.

ok. chow.

mak

2010-06-26T04:23:00.001-07:00

mak,

I'm bottling things inside. don't you worry about me. im your only son. at this age, i'm not suppose to be the one who make you worried.

i miss you.

Mungkin

2010-06-08T13:49:00.000-07:00

..mungkin tiada rezeki kita, sayang.

rock and roll yang hilang

2010-06-05T13:18:00.000-07:00

aku cuba lagi memandang hari semalam
hari cerah dan hari kelam
senang aku melangkah tiada ragu
ibarat sang panglima aku mendada
sekarang aku kaku
buntu..

kalau ada apa yang aku silap meneka
mungkin aku rabun atau terleka
sebelum malaikat maut datang menjemputku
meninggalkan jasad yang terbujur kaku
layu..
maafkan aku..

petah bercakap, menempelak
mana yang silap
senget sedikit ku bilang gampang
masam sedikit ku bilang cuka
bukannya ku tahu apa itu luka
badan sendiri tidak pernah tercalar langsung..

di manakah rock and roll yang hilang itu?

al-blog

2010-03-29T23:23:00.000-07:00

"awak dah buat blog lain eh?"
"takde ah..kenapa?"
"oh..ingat kan dah buat blog lain.."
"..."

aku baru ingat yang aku dah lama tak post blog.

kita

2010-01-20T05:28:00.000-08:00

semuanya datang secara melulu
melawan arah tuju
menentang arus kemahuan
kita..

sekuat mana menongkah arus itu
seteguh mana tiang janji-janji
setinggi mana bukit-bukit harapan
kita..

tiada lagi kita..
aku menangis..
kau menangis..

stuttering

2010-01-16T09:44:00.000-08:00

stuttering

It's been, it's been, it's been, it's been
su-su-such a long time, long time, long time
since anybody touched me, touched me, touched me
the way that you touch me
So if I stutter, stutter, stutter
and I feel so so so unsexy
so maybe I'll just keep my mouth shut at least until you kiss me

So kiss me again
Cause only you can stop this stut-stut-stut-stuttering
Kiss me again
And ease my su-su su-su su-su s-su-s-suffering

I know I know
it's so it's so sy-sy-symbolic of everything
Everything that's wrong with me and you
So tell me what I'm supposed to do
Oh it's been ages since we've been really honest
Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com
but I can make ch-ch-ch-changes if you really want this

So kiss me again
Cause only you can stop this stut-stut-stut-stuttering
Kiss me again
And ease my su-su su-su su-su s-su-s-suffering

Kiss me again
Cause only you can stop this stut-stut-stut-stut-stuttering
Kiss me again
And ease my su-su su-su su-su s-su-s-suffering

lori

2010-01-14T21:45:00.000-08:00

"..pegilah kau mati kena langgar dengan lori"

zrapp..patah dua isi dada..

jujur

2010-01-03T12:12:00.000-08:00

ni gua nak bercakap jujur sket ni. dengau eh..

ada org ada awek
ada org tiada awek
ada org ada sorang awek
ada org ada ramai awek

awek diorang ada yg lawa mcm artis
awek diorang ada yg lawa mcm manusia biasa yg cukup sifat
awek diorang baik kat diorang
awek diorang sayang kat diorang

kompius gua dengan perangai pelik2
kompius gua dengan perangai lu orang
kompius gua makan hati sorang2 tgk lu org
kompius gua..lu org masih nak kacau awek gua..

*jgn sampai gua start enjin kacau awek lu pulak? aiya..*

Sahabat Baru

2009-12-17T14:44:00.000-08:00

dalam kesejukan angin yg dtg dari arah sepang..
atau kehangatan bayu industri port dickson..
beliau memberi salam ukhwah..
salam perkenalan..
meng'offer' janji-janji..
seorang sahabat..

kesunyian kau akan ditemani..
kehangatan pelukan baranya..
keputihan hati abunya pula..
jadi pemujuk hati yg rindu..
hati yg kosong..

pada dia kau mengadu..
letih penatmu..
pada dia kau mengadu..
segala macam rungutan..
perihal dunia yg mencabar kematangan akalmu..

hadirnya sahabat baru..
pertemuan tak disangka..
walau sudah lama menyapa bahu, tidak bertegur..

diplomasi si pengecut

2009-12-01T17:47:00.000-08:00

secara diplomasi..
kehidupan bersandarkan akal fikiran,
bukan emosi.

secara diplomasi..
bertindakbalas mengikut timbang rasa,
bkn spontan yg keterlaluan.

secara diplomasi..
berkata-kata dengan alas yg bijak,
tidak terlalu halus, tidak terlalu mendada.

secara diplomasi..
mengiyakan dengan senyum..
fikiran bkn habis di situ..

secara diplomasi..
melihat manusia mengembang dada..
jalan berkepak, cukup sumbang..

melihat sekeliling,
si pengecut geleng kepala..

Cerita Hari Ahad

2009-11-28T18:51:00.000-08:00

Hari ahad hari paling akhir dalam kalendar gua. kebanyakan org faham ahad sebagai hari cuti. tapi gua tak. ahad tak semestinya cuti. memanglah gua keje isnin sampai jumaat. tapi, tuntutan company yg bkn bapak gua punya, membuatkan gua keje ahad. gua bukanlah nak bercerita pasal betapa rajinnya gua sebagai pekerja atau betapa malangnya gua sebagai manusia yg kena keje hari ahad (member2 gua selalu ckp "bangla pon cuti hari ahad"), tapi pasal ahad gua yang dulu-dulu.

ahad dalam ingatan gua semasa kecik-kecik dulu ialah bangun awal. mase ni gua belum reti bangun lewat. bangun awal membolehkan gua melantak sarapan pagi mak gua dan terus kuar rumah. gua tak ingat adakah gua mandi atau tak. biasanya gua akan pegi main bola la. stended. gua kan born athlete. gua tak berapa join aktiviti2 ekstrim bdk-bdk kg. pasal bapak gua agak dikenali kat kg. gua senang kantoi. tu pasal gua sampai sekarang tak merokok. paling kuat pon pegi mandi paya. nama paya tu paya tok doman. berhantu. gua dan kawan-kawan gua la hantunya.

ahad di sekolah menengah ialah hari kebebasan yg tak berapa bebas. asrama. bangun pagi untuk solat jemaah subuh. kuliah. mase junior akan duduk saf-saf depan. dengar sambil mengiyakan. tersengguk-sengguk gua. bila dah senior duduk port belah belakang kiri masjid. matahari belum abes keluar gua dah start timbang bola takraw dalam dorm. takpun sepak-sepak bola kempis kat dinding. paling best bila nak start main bola. menggigal-gigal (dengan excitednya) pakai kasut then lari pegi padang. muka-muka setia kat padang yg gua igt ialah arep, apis asari, hamdan, dan zul. yg lain-lain tak igt dah.

bila hari dah tinggi sket banyak budak dah ilang dari asrama. kebanyakan pegi tusyen persendirian. bapak gua tak berapa mampu. tinggal lah gua dan beberapa yg lain lepak kat dorm. gua jarang stadi kat dorm. pasal gua mmg pemalas.stadi abes kat kelas atau prep je. kemudian biasanya bapak gua akan datang. datang bawak bekal. bekal pesanan dan amanat. biasanya gua tak berapa dengar sangat pun. pasal kalau dengar lebih-lebih nanti blh jadi sedih. lu org paham tak maksud gua?

Di politeknik, ahad agak produktif. mungkin pasal gua mcm dah matang sket. buat assignment atau stadi. basuh baju guna tangan. kadang-kadang je pegi rumah member pinjam guna mesin basuh. bila mlm rumah gua jadi port budak-budak tiru assignment. gua agak steady dalam stadi kat poli ni. mungkin pasal kat skola menengah gua dah puas compete dengan budak2 taik buku. so life kat poli yg lebih banyak praktikal dari membaca ni lebih rileks. malam gua akan pegi bermain musik. yeah, di sini gua mula into musik. sukan agak nombor dua. gua start pegang gitar lepas spm. mase lepak kg. ijan ajau gua lagu hidup bersama versi XPDC. kemudian gua banyak dipengaruhi bahan-bahan dari syukri, alif, dan rokes (kawan-kawan skola yg kamceng sampai sekarang). aktiviti jamming dilakukan bersama moktau, napi dan dendang di sebuah studio bernama pusat seni lye liang. disitulah gua beli gitar kapuk pertama gua. yeargh!

Sekarang..
urm..erk..
kalau tak keje, biasanya gua blk kg. jumpa mak ayah. atau lepak dengan alif, syukri, rokes dan lain-lain. takpun plan ape-ape dengan budak-budak tmpt keje. atau yg terbaik, baring depan tv sampai petang. sambil-sambil sms buah hati comel ya rabbi. heh. eh, ape gua melalut panjang2 ni. aiya~

tihihihi..

Blues Mlm Raya Haji

2009-11-26T09:49:00.000-08:00

malam raya dia ofis yang tak berapa besar ni agak syahdu gak. tadi ok je pasal tgh sibuk kat site. tapi bila dah free mcm ni fikiran senang menerawang. gua takmo merungut. gua cuma nak berkongsi..

mak dan ayah,
gua balik pagi nanti. pomen gua bagi blk awal pas subuh kalau takde pape hal. cantek la tu. blh la gua kejau sembahyang hari raya kat kampung. pas semayang blh lepak kat dpn gumah bonggo mcm biasa sementara ayah jumpa geng2 berborak. salam2 dengan piah, udin, kemi, kerol, bonggo, ijan, dekwan, aserap dan lain-lain. lame x jumpa malaun2 ni. sejak abes skola dah jarang lepak kampung.

syukri,
gua takpat join futsal la wahai al-cib. ptg raya gua dah kena blk site. keje. lu pon kate pas abes blajau lu nak jadi hamba keje. skrg ni lah aktiviti seorang hamba keje. rugi gak takpat join. kalau tak blh jumpa membe2 skola. borak-borak. ada yang dah kawen dengau cite. steady ah lu org.

eja,
maaf saya sibuk kebelakangan ni. saya tau awak kecik ati kadang-kadang. saya tau awak tak suka bila saya kena keje mlm. "bile saya tido, awak free, bile saya dah jaga, awak tido atau tgh keje" itu yg awak selalu ngomelkan. saya harap kita ada masa nanti. lepas awk blk dari rumah kakin jaga 3 org raksasa tu.

kawan-kawan tmpt keje,
padan muke lu org kena keje time2 raya ni. hehe. ape nak buat tanggungjawab. mintak mahap la gua gerak dulu pagi nanti. ala ptg dah jumpa blk muka hensem gua ni. keadaan sibuk ni gua rasa sampai hjg tahun setel la kot. bila kapal masuk dah ikut schedule blk. atau power station lain dah operate ok. atau bila stacker2 dah siap. pasni, blh la tgk2 wayang blk. karaoke ke. jumpa blk tok guru wan gitarist pegi jamm.

dendang, jelai, dak bon dan moktau,
time kasih dtg umah sewa gua arituh. kehidupan gua mmg agak lebam baru-baru ni sblm lu org dtg. seronok berborak dgn lu org. ilang sume tension. teringat zman poli beb. zaman rock n roll. free dari komitmen2. pegi kenduri kawen farah panter, clasmate pertama kahwin. tgk beah dah jadi super-hot-chick beb. padan muka lu org. dulu sekor pon tak pndg. telan air liur la. haha.

nota kaki,
selesema gua ni mintak2 lah ilang bila dah terkena penangan rendang mak gua esok. yeah!

faridah binti kuku

2009-11-18T10:02:00.000-08:00

fikiran luas jadi sempit..
fikiran sempit di dalam tempurung..
dunia indah ciptaan dia..
tempurung sempit si faridah binti kuku..

molek di pandang sedap di pegang..
malangnya bukan realiti yg di offer..
realiti dunia kau boleh dibuang..
bila jumpa si faridah binti kuku..
hilang gelap terbitlah terang..
terang yang dusta..

molek pakaian si faridah binti kuku..
pilihannya biru dan putih..
buat pemuda pemudi celik mata memandang..
siang tak kenal malam, mlm tak jumpa siang..

aku sendiri pun terkena..
dek penangan si faridah binti kuku..
sampai sekarang masih tak sedar..
masih tak cukup kuat untuk tarik handbrake..
handbrake yg selama ni jadi kekuatan..
haus dan lemau di tangan faridah binti kuku..

suami dibiarkan haus tiada teh..
isteri di biarkan melopong seorang diri..
anak-anak tak diberi sarapan pagi..
kawan-kawan dibiarkan menunggu..
teman wanita di marahi "awak flirt kan?"
teman lelaki pun kena marah "u hari-hari chat dengan dia kan?"
melihat manusia mudah melenting..
faridah binti kuku ketawa besar..

hari ini aku sedar..
faridah binti kuku perlu dihapuskan..
biarlah aku mula dengan diri sendiri..
biarlah pengunduran aku jadi langkah membantah..
walaupun kemungkinan besar tiada pun yg nak mengikut..
mungkin aku jadi org gagal yg diketawakan..
mungkin aku jadi pemenang yg ketawa paling akhir..

"iya, faridah binti kuku mesti dihapuskan.."

Perkara yang terjadi..perkara perlu jadi

2009-11-02T08:48:00.000-08:00

seperti biasa awal bulan dipenuhi dengan aktiviti meng-key in overtime kat station work punya pc. kami, juruteknik-juruteknik yang tak disediakan personal komputer sendiri terpaksa ambil giliran kat opis ni. sambil key in, sambil surf facebook. saudara saipol kat sebelah aku ni pon tak kurang sibuk dgn urusan beliau. tuk..tak..tukk..tak..bunyi keyboard. dan tiba-tida (stended)..

"woah.. abes sume brekpes, lunch ngan dinner ko claim eh" kata sorang kawan hensem kita ni.

saudara saipol diam. aku pon diam.

"heh..heh..kaye la mcm ni.."

saipol diam. aku tak diam kali ni. tapi belum tahap nak bersuara. angkat kepala. tgk muka kawan hensem kita ni.

dia pandang aku. aku pandang dia.

kawan hensem kita blah. balik terus kot. dah pukul 7 mase tu.

"pahal meng?" meng ialah singkatan utk komeng, gelaran saipol. pahal meng bagi aku ialah what the fuck dalam bahasa omputeh.

"ape?"

"tuh..tuh..pahal meng?"

"haaa..?"

"pahal berbunyi lak mamat tu?"

"entah" saipol terlalu sibuk key in overtime sampai tak terlayan aku.

"pahal weh?..pahal lak weh?"

"........"

last-last aku panas ati sorang diri. walaupon mamat hensem tu tegur saipol, bkn aku. haih..

hari sabtu lepas aku keluar. aku belajar beberapa perkara. tak sangka suara lunak mcm p ramlee aku ni blh buat orang sedih. sedih sampai aku pun sedih gak skali. alamak ai.

aku tak sengaja. kat rumah pun suara aku mmg tinggi. mcm suara ayah. tak semestinya tinggi tu nak kurang ajar. tapi sesetengah org tak faham kot. kalau aku serius nak highlight kan point aku, suara aku jadi tinggi. siap dgn ekspresi muka berkerut.

tapi benda dah jadi kan. aku tak menyesal dengan apa yg aku cakapkan. tapi mungkin menyesal dengan cara aku yang tak sesuai dengan sesetengah orang. rasa bersalah buat org menangis. dulu, paling teruk pon aku buat dekwa dengan kak ida menangis. tapi tu pergaduhan adik-beradik. samada berebutkan sesuatu atau ejek-mengejek yang berlarutan.

satu lagi benda yg aku tak sangka aku buat ialah cara teruk aku layan orang. aku tak tahu budak perempuan comel tu nak apa datang kat meja aku makan. tapi hati tgh bengang, baru kejap dia ckp (mungkin mempromosikan sesuatu) aku dah suh dia blah. bkn aku ckp "oi blah lah ko" tapi cara aku pulangkan pamplet dia dan eksperi muka tak senang aku tu dah kecik kan hati dia. rasa macam nak pegi cari dia balik kat dataran pahlawan tu dan minta maaf. tapi manusia kan ego. tambahan lepas tu ada adegan kejar mengejar yg aku tak nak ceritakan kat sini berlaku. heh.

oleh itu, walaupun mungkin korang tak baca blog ni aku nak minta maaf. minta maaf dengan benda yg dah jadi. yang disengajakan atau tak disengajakan.

kepada budak perempuan bawa kertas ape tah untuk mempromosikan ape tah, aku minta maaf la beb.

kat awak especially, saya minta maaf ok. selamat malam.

Nasi

2009-10-27T09:25:00.000-07:00

hari-hari makan nasi,
siang makan nasi, malam makan nasi,
dari kecik makan nasi, dah tua pon mkn nasi
nasi..nasi..nasi..

melarikan diri dari makan nasi,
menyorok dari terlalu bergantung,
nasi untuk hidup,
nasi untuk kekuatan,
nasi untuk hari-hari dilalui,
nasi untuk masa depan,
nasi untuk harapan,
nasi untuk doa,
nasi untuk rindu,
nasi untuk kegembiraan..

boleh x hidup tanpa nasi?

Mangsa

2009-10-17T12:11:00.000-07:00

mengikut arus perdana..
supaya tak penat badan melawan,
supaya nampak apa di hadapan,
supaya sampai,
supaya tidak di pandang rendah,
salah ke di pandang rendah?

menjadi mangsa..
tanpa sedar,
mengiyakan apa yang ditentang,
mengangguk kepada kejahilan,
tenggelam jiwa sesat arah,
terperosok dalam-dalam,
tidur lena tapi terjaga dalam sulit..

menyorok

2009-10-10T07:37:00.000-07:00

menyorok 1
bangun pagi. paksa muka yg selebet untuk sengih2 dpn cermin. nyanyi kuat2 dalam toilet. mostly lagu2 hepi dan rancak.

menyorok 2
Tiba2 semangat bekerja. paksa diri jadi lebih rajin dari biasa. hentam overtime byk2. sabtu-ahad dtg keje. keje sampai lewat dan blk umah terus tido.

menyorok 3
asal ada peluang, main futsal. tiap-tiap mlm main futsal. main betul2. biar badan jadi penat. blk rumah dah letih blh mandi dan terus tido.

menyorok 4
jgn duduk rumah sorang2. kurangkan cek facebook. kalau perlu, baru tulis blog. ada masa, pegi lepak umah kawan2. borak byk2.

menyorok 5
drive jauh2. overnight rumah syuk. jamming sampai lewat mlm.

menyorok 6
jaga solat.

"hakikat manusia mencari penciptanya.."

Nyanyian Serambi

2009-10-06T23:10:00.000-07:00

Keluar pagi balik petang
Adakala sampai malam
Cari rezeki bawa pulang
Buat orang yang tersayang
ooo bersabarlah

Wajahmu dimana mana
Senyum kasih mesra kasih
Cinta murni kan bersemi
Bersama ketulusan budi
ooo bersemilah

Lama kucarik rahsia kaseh
Rindu kaseh untuk berkaseh
Senang senang duduk di serambi
Senandung lagu puisi
Zikir zaman nyanyian zaman

Andai kasturi hilang harum
Mawar tak berkuntum
Cinta tak bersambung
Biar emas setinggi gunung
Kan ku peluk rimbun ampun
Rahmat yang Maha Agung

Aku Bercakap

2009-09-29T10:45:00.000-07:00

aku bercakap dengan burung gagak,
bkn seekor tapi tiga atau empat,
kata-katanya penuh kebencian,
benci dengan hakikat hidup,
ini tak betul, itu yang salah,
makin jauh dari tali persahabatan,
yang dulu jadi azimat..

aku bercakap dengan si cermin,
gayanya hebat berkata-kata,
tak pernah salah kalau berbicara,
kebanggaannya jadi sang petah
di pentas dunia
dunia dusta, dunia sementara..

aku bercakap dengan jantungku,
degupannya perlahan tak seperti selalu,
tapi perlahan yg penuh tawakal,
"saya berserah je"
aku peluk, aku cium, aku genggam,
genggam erat biar ia terus berdegup..
terus lah kau berdegup..

aku bercakap dengan si penilik nasib,
lihat nasib dalam teh tarik,
berbicara bahasa pendeta,
bahasa nasihat halus dalam gelak-tawanya,
sindiran tajam menusuk di jiwa,
ya, aku faham..

udin, sepul dan eton

2009-09-25T09:46:00.000-07:00

kepada mat (bkn nama sebenar)

dari tulisan kau,
dari luahan kau,
aku rasa kau la manusia paling bernasib malang sekali,
kau la manusia paling sedih,
paling diuji tuhan..

dari riak muka kau,
nampak mcm budak baik-baik je,
tak kacau hidup org lain, tak busuk hati,
senyum manis mcm calon menantu sejati, sopan
tak mcm sesetengah kita yg suka duk tersengih-sengih,
huehuehue...

malang tak berbau, langit tak selalu cerah,
kau diuji tuhan,
epal hati kau pergi meninggalkan kau..

sebagai manusia aku pun "sorry to hear"
sebagai manusia, kami pun "dont worry, u deserve better beb"

lahabau,
alih-alih kau ni nak cengelat lak an..
dalam senyum kambing kau ada makna,
dalam sopan kau ada dusta,
blh tahan kaki swing rupanya..
blh tahan kaki kebas rupanya..

"oi udin, kau nak kebas eton eh. eton tu aku punya. kang aku repot kat bapak eton kau nak ngorat dia. kalau aku x dpt blasah kau" dialog kwn saya kat kg mase kecik-kecik dulu. sweet kan? hehe.

Sajak (kepala hotak kau ni kau kate sajak?)

2009-09-24T08:42:00.000-07:00

dari kecik gua tgk lu,
dari kecik gua dengar suara lu,
suara lu tak same mcm kebanyakan,
sedikit sengau, serak cukup-cukup makan,
buat lu cari makan.

dalam kekompiusan gua mencari,
dari mana dtgnya lu ni,
dari gua atau hutan besi,
atas langit atau dari dalam bumi,
mungkin lu ni jelmaan p ramlee,
muncul kembali secara rock n roll.

prosa-prosa lu jadi pedoman beb,
mase gua blaja atau tgh berangan beb,
mase dgr lecture atau nak pegi berdating beb,
sambil gua dengar sambil gua hafal beb,
terhangguk-hangguk kepala gua beb.

"mcm-mcm yg gua dengar dan gua baca. lantaklah, lu tetap idola la Radhi OAG. hehe"

tiga rasa di 1.45am

2009-09-13T09:56:00.000-07:00

rasa 1 - gua mmg gagal sket bab2 merancang ni beb. selama ni ape yg gua buat, gua takde rancang sgt. kalau rancang lebih2 slalunya tak jadi. pekerjaan gua skrg ni pon, gua tak rancang nak jadi. kalau nak lepak, gua maen terjah je ajak sape2 yang free. malaun2 ni pon lebih kurang je mcm gua. "orait" atau "bagi aku seploh minit blh? aku nak berak jap" takde la byk bunyi sgt nak tanya nak pegi mana ke, nak lepak dengan sape lagi ke. pasal kitorang2 ni takde le cool sgt. kalau nak lepak hanya kat kdai2 kg tgk bola ke, pegi mkn kat mamak ke, beli selipar ke. kan.

rasa 2 - ada la sorang mamat ni. hensem. muka mcm julian casablanca (hehe). pastuh blh tahan berduit la kan. pastuh stail la. org kate pandai nak pakai ape. nampak rilek2 je. pastuh perangai mmg cool la. dgn pompuan sweet je. eh ni sweet jujur au. bkn berlakon. pastuh ak, takde la huru hara sgt dia ni. ok la. kesimpulan dari cerita aku ni, aku rasa mcm nak hentak je muka mamat tu. tihihihi. tibe2 je aku ni.

rasa 3 - i miss u, u know.

Stupid

2009-09-08T22:01:00.000-07:00

"..is it stupid to wish for impossible things?"

Selamat Hari Besday

2009-08-31T08:18:00.000-07:00

walaupon gua tgh bz basuh baju,
dgn hati yg tgh koyak rabak,
gua tetap igt nak ckp ,

selamat hari besday Malaysia..
x)

Kondisi-kondusa

2009-08-29T05:14:00.000-07:00

ok.

si penyanyi berjalan di atas pentas. tepukan gemuruh dari peminat2 setia. rakan-rakan band dah lame bersedia. tapi kemunculan penyanyi ni gak yang ditunggu-tunggu semua orang. tukang ketuk bagi key. 1..2..3.. dram, gitar dan gitar bass masuk serentak.

irama berkumandang. penyanyi mula menyanyi dengan suara serak-seraknya yg cukup rock, cukup lunak, cukup untuk mungkin menyampaikan emosi beliau dalam lagu tu. si pemain dram tekun menjaga hentakannya. "kena jaga tempo lagu ni" bisik beliau dalam hati. kat tepi belah kiri, pemain gitar bass penuh disiplin bagi beat. sekali sekala menggatal dengan bunga yg sengaja ditambah-tambah.

penyanyi terus menyanyi. penonton pun nyanyi bersama. lagu rock penuh jiwa. tapi mesej yg dilontarkan mcm tak sampai. puas diperhatikan riak muka si penyanyi yg penuh perasaan tu tapi mcm ada yg sangkut. macam ada sedikit yg kurang.

penyanyi terus berusaha nak sampaikan mesej. chorus pun tak dapat sampai. eh, tiba-tiba lighting fokus kat si gitaris. oh, dah sampai turn dia goreng rupanya. si gitaris pun mula la bagi petikan-petikan solonya. rilek je. takde la skilfull sgt. simple je. eh..eh..ape tu? si gitaris tak bukak mulut pun. muka takde la beremosi sgt. mcm kosong je perasaan. tapi mcm blh dapat sesuatu. yg si penyanyi dari tadi duk melalak cuba sampaikan, tak sampai-sampai.

"I'm so sad. Yes I am"

Oooohhh....faham2.

Perihal Nombor Penduaan

2009-08-26T15:36:00.000-07:00

"hai. tgh buat ape tu? termenung je"
"hai. tak buat pape.nampak mcm termenung ke? takdelah. aku tak suka termenung. tak produktif. hehe"
"tapi nampak mcm temenung je tadi. hmm..kau "bebal" ke?"
"yup. "bebal" sket"
"kau "bebal" dgn aku?"
[mengangguk]"takde la "bebal". mcm "masuk air" sket la. eh, mcm mana dia tau aku tgh "bebal" eh..
"pasal nombor penduaan ke?"
[silence]ngeee..mane dia tau lagi ni..?
"aku tak berniat nak buat kau "bebal". nombor penduaan mmg dunia aku. cara aku. tapi aku minta maaf ok"
bapak ah. sejuk sial ati. tak jadi nak "bebal". "umm..err..ok..thanks.."
"thanks? kenapa?"
"erk..ntah" pasal kau cool gile babi beb. hee.

woi..woi..bongok. ape kau tersengih-sengih tu. mengelamaun eh.
laa..aku berangan rupanya..haha..

*berangan..*

A letter to you

2009-08-24T07:29:00.000-07:00

Sinar suria menerangi siang
Sang rambulan menyinari malam
Begitulah yang aku rasakan
Cintaku tak terpendam

Bunga mawar yang aku sayangi
Bila layu kusemat dihati
Tiada lain yang akan kucari
Kau yang pertama dan terakhir

Dalam lagu kucurah perasaan
Setulus hatiku menyampaikan
Kaulah satu yang sangat kuharapkan
Sebagai lambang kesucian

"..aku serious weh. bkn aku main-main.."

Si bodoh (berfikir)

2009-08-19T21:52:00.000-07:00

Aku dah kurus
ramai org cakap aku dah makin kurus
memandai je korang
betul ke aku dah kurus?

Otak aku ni kena jadi lebih bijak
Jgn la melulu je
mata jgn buta, telinga jgn pekak
jadi bijak

Menghargai
perlu tak dibalas dgn penghargaan
penghargaan kepada org yg menghargai
"tak perlu kot" jwb seorang kawan

membuat musuh dalam fikiran sendiri
musuh datang dgn pakej lengkap
pasang dendam
berdendam dgn fikiran sendiri

"..masalah dgn si luncai belum tamat rupanya. si luncai jumpa tong oksigen. dalam aku ada si luncai dgn tong oksigennya"

Muhasabah Komplen & Pengalam Perjalanan

2009-08-19T21:43:00.000-07:00

banyak mengeluh dan merungut. komplen. rezeki dah depan mata. tetap komplen. pernah tak terfikir kita tak layak berada kat tempat kita skrg. kita ada kat sini bkn sebab kelayakan kita. bkn sebab kebolehan kita. apa je yang kita ada? org lain pun ada gak. bercakap soal keadilan mcm kita ni golongan yg sentiasa memperjuangkan keadilan.

bila permulaan jalan yg kau pilih salah, penghujung kepada jalan tu akan salah. atau adakah salah pendapat aku ni? mgkin kita jumpa kebenaran di tengah perjalanan? bkn soal jalan mane yg kau pilih tapi pengalaman sepanjang perjalanan tu yg penting. mcm mana kau menilai sesuatu. dari sudut apa kau pndg sesuatu.

Tiang Terbalik & Igt x pada si lalang?

2009-08-13T06:45:00.000-07:00

perkara satu - tgn dah menggigil. kepala dah pening-pening. rumah dah makin sunyi. kehendak nafsu diketepikan (sangat jarang begini). mgkn ada yg kena. tipu? tak kot. dalam bhs berkawan kita tak panggil tipu. kita panggil "gehehe..ala rilek la, aku lupe le nak bgtau awal2" heh. aku harap tak jadi masalah. tidak, aku tau tak jadi masalah. pasal aku tau percaturan politik si pencatur awal2 lagi. dari lunak "emm..ok..set..", aku tau dia bercakap bahasa politik. bahasa lbih dari satu maksud. bahasa ckp tak semestinya betul atau salah. mangsa? si hensem ray ban. aku mula-mula yakin aku dah cover semua. lari setempat, lari laju, lari senyap-senyap, larian kebelakang. last2 aku dapat pelajaran kedua. tiang yg kita pusing tu, blh kena terbalik. kalau diterbalikkan, sape yg kat dpn sape yg kat blkg? heh.

perkara dua - bagaimana aku harap aku blh jadi lebih hebat. aku mau, tapi aku tak mampu. bkn aku tak larat. aku larat. ni bkn soal larat tak larat. mcm mana aku selama ni pk blh jadi lbh bijak. kadang2 rasa mcm tak guna. sekeping daging tu kena jaga. bkn setiap kali aku yg betul. mgkn aku silap kali ni. mgkn selama ni aku yg silap tapi kali ni baru perasan. mgkn karier politik aku mula di baca. si luncai yg aku biarkan terjun tu rupa-rupanya bwk tong oksigen. lalang2 yg aku pandang rendah selama ni mgkn berliuk lentuk dgn irama tertentu yg aku tak faham.

jalan sebenarnya mudah. aku nampak. tapi buat-buat x nampak. manusia.

Rahsia Secawan Teh - a reply to a friend

2009-08-11T04:14:00.000-07:00

aku bkn apa.
bkn taknak teruskan berjalan.
tapi dalam berjalan mesti aku nak pandang ke belakang.
pandang belakang nampak,
kerbau-kerbau yg aku kenal tu tgh ragut rumput lagi.
masih dalam keadaan yg same beb.
masih mentah, muda, kurus je perutnya.
masih lagi kerbau2 yg berangan dgn angan-angan jeninnya.

realiti?
kerbau-kerbau tu sume dah takde.
3-4 ekor pegi panjat gunung.
tggi gunung tu.
sangat tinggi gunung tu,
sampai aku takut samada berbaloi utk dipanjat.
3-4 ekor lagi masuk hutan masyarakat.

"hey, teruskan berjalan!"
"oh. ok2"

Membeli Masa

2009-08-10T23:09:00.001-07:00

"skrg aku ada duit. tapi aku takde masa la. nanti aku ada masa, mungkin aku dah takde duit"

lima ekor kerbau bercakap-cakap. pasang angan-angan. ikut teori atas kertas, blh pegi jauh. tapi realiti? duit, masa, penyakit menular. halangan pertama dah jadi. seekor kerbau dari lima ekor tu tadi tumbang di gigit serangga terbang yg belang2 badannya tu. kat situ pelajaran pertama: hospital swasta cekik darah. empat ekor yg tggl terus berangan. pesanan pendekar hitam jadi pedoman. larian mengelilingi tiang tak semestinya siapa yg paling laju. kena amek kira arah pusingan mainan.

hai.
saya sofian.
ini blog pertama yg saya tulis kat blogspot. siap sedia.