ADHD

Gua tengah layan baca wikipedia pasal benda apa tah. link punya link last-last gua sampai page pasal attention deficit hyperactivity disorder atau ADHD.

Predominantly inattentive type symptoms may include:^[29]

• Be easily distracted, miss details, forget things, and frequently switch from one activity to another
• Have difficulty maintaining focus on one task
• Become bored with a task after only a few minutes, unless doing something enjoyable
• Have difficulty focusing attention on organizing and completing a task or learning something new or trouble completing or turning in homework assignments, often losing things (e.g., pencils, toys, assignments) needed to complete tasks or activities
• Not seem to listen when spoken to
• Daydream, become easily confused, and move slowly
• Have difficulty processing information as quickly and accurately as others
• Struggle to follow instructions.

Predominantly hyperactive-impulsive type symptoms may include:^[29]

• Fidget and squirm in their seats
• Talk nonstop
• Dash around, touching or playing with anything and everything in sight
• Have trouble sitting still during dinner, school, and story time
• Be constantly in motion
• Have difficulty doing quiet tasks or activities.

and also these manifestations primarily of impulsivity:^[29]

• Be very impatient
• Blurt out inappropriate comments, show their emotions without restraint, and act without regard for consequences
• Have difficulty waiting for things they want or waiting their turns in games

Lu orang ada masalah ni?

Insyallah

Love And Balls

I've been playing football since I was a little kid. I love the game and actually quite good at it. My history of playing football started when I was still living at kampung. Me and my friends, we played football every day because we were so passionate about it. We were even coloured our shirt with number we wanted. I chose 5. later, I changed it to 11. The number Rokawa Kaede of Slamdunk wore.

Those days were fun. I remember when it comes to friendly match between kampungs, a lot of people will surely come to watch including those makciks even it was just a small match nobody didn't have to care about. I was still too young to join the team so just like everybody else outside the field, I stand cheering our beloved football team with all our heart.

I was 12 when I first got myself my first football jersey (the real one, not the painting job one). Got myself the famous 1o number, the number top striker usually wore. Turn out I didn't played well on the first match with my school team. I remembered I went to toilet for many times because I was too nervous to play.

cool kids play football, not DOTA

Ok so now it's 20 years later. I can't play football as often as I used to. Life got miserably changed. Turn out people grow older and what older people do? they have to pay the bills. It turns out to be money and car and house and shit. No more football games. There are lesser passion in watching football games also.

Sometimes I got fed up with other people who support certain football team. Let see, if you lived in Melaka and work in Negeri Sembilan, you should be able to support any other team compete in the MSL, right? because it is all about the passion for the game. You "felt" the touch between the leg and the ball even you're just watching. You "knew" it is hard for the player to make certain move, even you're just watching. That why we love watching football, right?

Supporting a football club is not about knowing all the players name, the glorious history of the club or all investment and contribution they've made all this while only. That's not passion, that's studying. You love the game first, interested and curious about certain team, and then is when you start digging more information about them.

Too passionate of simply lose the bet?

Well, other people might have different opinion and different reason to play/watch/support football. All I can say is it's not only about 22 guys chasing after one ball. Whoever says that is a dumb fuck.

One day

One day, I'll sell everything
and become a free man
who didn't have to worry about anything in the world
and grow old smiling
I won't give a shit about who runs the government
it doesn't matter anymore
because the world is old enough
it needs a break

One day, I'll see everyone
and feel pity on them
because while they're all running
racing and compete to each other
I'll sit, have a drink and sing
because I don't care anymore
because I'm just too tired

One day, I'll quit my job
it will be you young apprentice turn now
to work hard, to laugh at the boss jokes
to simply doesn't have the time for your love one
and start to lose them one by one
until when you realize it
it'll be too late
and I'll be the one who said wisely
"told you so, son"

One day, I'll start a rock band
and tour around the world
doesn't matter if we're good or not
because I'm too rich to care about what you think
you'll buy my song anyway
because my money will buy you at the first place

One day, when everything doesn't make any sense anymore
you'll follow my footsteps
and become the monk
of my nonsense temple

I wrote this after YM with jelai. I'm so fucked up right now, I need to write something stupid. And you should start to write your penguburanprosa again jelai.

wordless monday

What's happening

It's so hard to express my feeling lately. Bila aku gagal bercakap, aku hisap rokok. bila aku teringat eja, aku teringat impian untuk deko rumah yang bakal kami duduk sama-sama. Eja ada good taste hal-hal menghias ni. bukan macam aku.

Rumah akan siap dalam 2 bulan ni. masuk pasang gril dan buat wiring maybe 3 bulan dah boleh duduk. Sekarang ni aku stuck apa aku nak buat dengan rumah tu. Kalau bujang aku prefer menyewa je. pasal tak payah fikir pasal maintenance rumah semua.

Sepanjang bulan puasa hari tu aku memasak. seronok. aku dah loya nak beli makanan kat pasar ramadhan sejak kena keracunan makanan pasal makan nasi lemak basi yang aku beli. Kalau rumah aku siap aku nak buat dapur cantik-cantik. biar nampak macam rumah anak dara pun tak apa.

Dapur ni aku rasa sesuai la untuk rumah aku yang sekangkang kera tu

Hari selasa yang lepas aku main kugiran untuk company aku punya jamuan hari raya. lots of fun. Dari hari pertama prektis masa semua orang nervous sampai hari jamuan turn out things went really well. Main lagu-lagu raya. Payah gak sebenarnya lagu-lagu raya ni. Dari susunan musik yang detail sampai ke key vokal yang tinggi. Nasib baik last minit dapat penyanyi jemputan jelmaan adibah noor dan awie. haha.

Ben bagi nenas dekat awie. The rest are kama and me on guitar, adibah noor, brader mahat on bass and john as the drummer

It's been quite a productive week i guess. Except I feel empty inside. God knows.

Don't Know Why

Reviewing You

One of my favorite things to do while surfing the internet is to read movies review. It gives me some ideas before spending money on it to watch it since I'm quite a movie freak. I watched a lot of movie while I was growing up. Hollywood's, Bollywood's, Malay's movie, B-rated (rarely since I found it hard to get this kinda movie that is in good quality to watch) and yeah porn movies included in my list. this give me the idea to start some review page for movies that I've watched. Wait, why don't just review everything? movies, songs, bands, anything that will keep my time a bit occupy. Because let's admit it, we've been surfing the internet too damn much recently and most of it for no good reason. So here it is. The review may not be satisfying and written in poor english but give me some chance to improve will ya, cocky bastard? haha.

Enough with the babbling.

I discovered this sweedish band quite recently. yeah I might be too late to realize how brilliant these guys/lady are. Blame the MTV for playing shitty music nowadays but you must be a complete moron not to love their tunes ones you've heard it. The first song that have catched my ear was (as you probably could guess) lovefool. A hit song back in the 90's. And then try to listen to the slow melancholic "Communication". It'll suit you the most while driving alone at night.

"I need some fine and you, you need to be nicer" is the song i love the most in this compilation (did i use the term correctly?) since the lyric inspire me a lot. Nina might not have the cute little voice anymore but you'll get her new matured well evolved voice as a replacement.

I fully recommend you people to try to play "don't blame your doughter (diamonds)" yourself while in jamming studio. Leave the violin part, try to replace it with some keyboard. I think it's not so hard to play especially with the guitar, bass guitar and drum part. The song full with delicious chording or what we usually called "chord pelik" Well I don't know about you guys but it's "pelik" enough for me.

Rating: 8/10

p/s: hit me back with your opinion regarding my review and my english writing.

Lari Dan Babi

masih ada yang mengambil kesempatan

ketika mulai jauh dan ada regangan

tiada khabar pagi ini dikirimkan

terasa sesak nafas, dalam hati segalanya ku simpan

bila tiba masanya nanti, aku buat tatapan

di masa depan,

itu aku fikirkan..

nah, ramai orang ingat mereka hebat membaca

jangan lupa bisikan-bisikan halus di telinga

tidak lebih dari bisikan syaitan semata

yang sentiasa buat kita percaya

yang kaca itu permata..

buta..

ingatlah hari ini kejian yang kita beri

akan datang kembali di kemudian hari

menjengah tanpa kita sedari

gelak tawanya ke sekian kali

menyapu ke muka sendiri..

pasti..

aku bukan lari bukan mahu menyendiri

cuma aku rasa facebook itu tidak lebih dari

seekor babi..

decorate

So you decided to see me out of the blue
Should I let you come over
I think you’re doing fine
That girl in your arms
Does she know where you come from

Almost made me move out of town
You don’t want me to be around
But I stayed anyway
Just in case

Finding reasons to hate you more than before
Like how you said you would call
But never at all
Got rid off your number that I know by heart

You left your things at my place
As if I have all the space
Cause you know I don’t mind
Just come back when you think it’s time

I’m all black and white inside
Monotonous from left to right
I decorate my house with things you love
Just in case you show up
In case you show up

Disconnection

Disconnection. why would you do that for?

Pengumuman puasa

kepada manusia-manusia.

yang boleh bermain bass.

kami sedang mencari seorang.

lokasi bermain sekitar melaka atau shah alam berdekatan Uitm.

plan utk release demo dalam masa terdekat.

tak perlu skill hebat-hebat tahap cliff burton.

cuma nak main musik dan buat sesuatu selain kerja hari-hari.

we're just a bunch of people who doesn't really good at doing music but still using it as a way to express ourselves. :)

0176573995. msg sahaja. tq.

It's not just a game

I was there when we beat Indonesian ass 3-0 at Bukit Jalil. The stadium was full with people you can't even sneak your head between people to see the match. People were wearing yellow and black stripes or the lucky blue red jersey, with scarf and hat and all. It was the first time since there were so many people watching Malaysian football match as far as I can remember.

There are a lot of things happen. things that are good. Despite some malaysian throwing bottles to the Indonesian crowd, none were harm or being attacked. Supporters of the two sides were even took a photo together and hugged at the end of the match. Although, 90 minutes before, it was so tense I can't hardly breath with every attacks and defends the Malaysian side had.

I can write about the game all day. Hell I can talk about it everyday. It was a good memory. But that's not what I'm trying to write right now. If you look closer, you can see the Malaysian people came to the match, sit next to people they barely knew without hesitation. Political differences is not the main concern. Nor religion or race. They were cheering and screaming together.

Winning the game is not the only thing that made me happy that night. I'm a very moderate person in terms of politic consciousness. I don't care who win the election. I don't believe in public responsiblity crap to vote. I'm just a person who work to make a living. If you think what I believe in is wrong than that's your problem. I don't think it's going to be a big problem in your big fucking society for an ignorant like me.

Winning that match with Indonesia've made people forgot their political stands and race/religion differences. So tonight the football team need to win this match because the Malaysian people are so politically frustrated right now, they need a reason to chill out.

Going the distance

tonight I'll be alone

alone again like any other night before

reading and writing doesn't help

music and movies hit nothing anymore

life seems empty

when I thought It'll be fulfilling

so depressingly annoyyed

with everything that don't matter

I feel like puking everytime i woke up from sleep at night

When I look around in the dark

search for light and guidance

lost in my own thought

I got no distance left to run.

Lonesome

I'm sort of lonesome when I wrote this. lonely is a tiring feeling if I may describe the way I see it. It is a feeling that kinda makes me worried at the same time. Not like I've got nothing more to worry about for instance I've got this examination for the training I've been attending for four goddam days. I was suppose to study and don't get me wrong I've planned toward it when Aliff asked me to watch a movie. X-men: the first class that is. I'm not really fancy about the movie but at least that's the plan for wasting time tonight.

So I was just light up my ciggarete when Aliff walked in. He was just took a shower and got inside his room where I've been crashing since the 1st day of my training. He make a funny move/dance to tag along with music I've been listen to. I tagged along and we both laughed at our own stupidity. Stupid is a very subjective word. You can excel at school and still been called stupid when you make a mistake at office. How do we measure our level of stupidity till at some point we can count ourselves as certified morons?

Can you die out of loneliness? what are reasons to be lonesome? I was looking out of aliff's window to get some fresh air when I saw a guy revved hard his car engine. I can feel how suffer the engine would be. How hard the combusted fuel pumped the piston up and down. Silence doesn't always the reason that leads to loneliness feeling. I still feel it even surrounded by that noisy son of a bitch. He finally stopped and went inside his house. He'll continue again tomorrow night I guessed. What's with you people with your car performance ego anyway. I mean I work in mechanical engineering field. I understand how engine works and all. The thing that fascinated me is how it actually could works rather than overspending money to be a fucking show off asshole.

This entry not going to make any sense. I probably suffered the emotional breakdown sickness. probably should continue studying on this lubricant control nonsense and I just noticed that I'm out of my Dunhill 20's. Crap.

Eat, Pray, Love

To attend a wedding invitation, for me, I must be really close to the bride/bridegroom or otherwise, it doesn't mean anything to me. I might be high on magic mushroom when I write this so i apologize for any offended feelings. Most of us malays have a fear/culture of thinking that "if we didn't attend our friends/relatives wedding ceremony, they won't attend our's" well i think that's pure crap.

And what is the importance of invitation card anyway? I know i need them as a map and it really helps to remind me about the date and all but that's just it. If you feel like cherishing the couple and they deserve to be celebrated or just to pay respect to their invitation, doesn't matter if they invite you through facebook or SMS or with fancy invitation card, you should just come. Or, in any way u feel like your presence would be really appreciated then get your lazy ass to their wedding ceremony. A fancy invitation card doesn't represent people honesty and hope for you to come. They're just some paper with malay/arabic words printed in it. nothing more. yeah and some prayer words. don't get me wrong I respect every pray to god but I don't think you people even read it before you throw it away.

I'm not really into social event kind of guy. I hate to be around people I don't really know. I'm not blaming society when I'm just being a lazy fuck who didn't come to his friends wedding day. If you're a mate then you deserve my respect. You don't have to make a big fancy invitation card to invite me surely I still come to your big day (subject to my working hour, still) if I got the chance to. I've failed to attend some wedding ceremony and I still regretted it because you guys are my friends and a friend deserve my respect. Wedding ceremony is about a day you announce to the people who didn't know that you're married to your partner. It's about chance for families, relatives, friends, colleagues and other people you invited to share your happiness on your big day. You don't want people who tend to complaint about the food taste or talk bad about your wedding day to come.

This is just a thought of mine. A personal opinion that might change as I grew older and perhaps, wiser. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe it's about acceptance to the society doesn't matter how bad they treated us so we just have to invite them all. Maybe I'm just being fucked up for thinking too much.

Hasbulah, Zatie and Eddie, Aji, Caduk and Ako, I definitely want to come to your wedding. I will if I got the chance to.

and here's your good old wish guys. Selamat Pengantin Baru dan selamat berbahagia dengan pasangan :)

p/s : my English sucks. but you know what I mean right?

the catcher in the rye

finally got my hand on this book. will write about it later after finish reading it. hihi.

Kenapa?

kenapa blog-blog yang aku terjumpa, baca dan rasa seronok kebanyakannya stop menulis? ke diorang ada medium penulisan yang lain?

setakat ni tehtarikgelasbesar je steady. twittez, kolamudangbatulapan, penguburan prosa, j abdullah, bangun berdiri sume bungkus. aiyo.

Pensunatan Jiwa (Versi hilang dara)

A friend of mine asked me to read back what I wrote 3 years ago on friendster. pensunatan jiwa. He didn't tell me why. kenapa nak baca balik apa yang aku tulis dulu? aku ingat dia ada tulis something funny untuk dikongsi ataupun sengaja ajak online guna friendster since facebook terlalu glemer dan dah jadi membosankan bila hari-hari aku pandang.

Bila aku baca, berbakul-bakul perasaan datang menyerang serentak. terperanjat aku. betul ke aku penah tulis benda alah ni dulu?

pensunatan jiwa adalah tulisan aku mengenai kehidupan. apa yang aku tahu pasal kehidupan sebenarnya? aku baru 23 tahun masa aku tulis. aku rasa bodoh gila bila aku baca balik apa yang aku tulis. rasa macam nak delete semuanya, biarkan kebodohan aku tu lenyap dari dunia internet. aku tulis pasal pembersihan jiwa, pasal cara kita patut jalankan hidup dan macam-macam lagi macam aku ni seorang bijak pandai berusia 200 tahun.

tapi bila perasaan berbakul-bakul tu mula mendap dalam pemikiran aku, datanglah pendekar hitam memberi salam. oh, baru aku faham. setelah berbincang dengan pendekar hitam tentang apa yang aku patut buat, aku start kereta pegi puncak jalil. sampai punca jalil aku bertapa kat satu gua gelap yang mana tempat-tempat macam ni memang hishamudin rais benci. cukup 5 jam bertapa, aku balik rumah dengan senyuman.

p/s: hari-hari kita kena belajar benda baru, apatah lagi bila umur dah tua-tua ni.

A thought in the darkness

It is the second night of my staying here. Quite an experience. My body hurt a bit as the consequence of going snorkeling for the whole day. Finally, got a piece of paper to write. A nice old man gave it to me. Right now I'm on my bed (it's a 11 double deckers bedded dorm) writing with the help of light from my cell phone.

There're about 22 people sharing the room with me. It's quite uncomfortable to mingle around with people I don't really know at first. Turn out, it's not too bad at all. Bapak (a guy who looks older than anyone else), is the friendliest one. He told me a lot of stories about his career and marriages. Not like I really interested to listen to his mumblings, but it's just nice to know more about people rather than judging them from distance.

I've been searching for a paper to write this thought when I found a note in my wallet written "remember us, remember our stories". Eja gave it to me. I, until now am unable to express how I felt toward this break up to anyone. regrets, sadness, frustration are emotionally bugging my mind. Guess it was finally didn't work between us, that's what I might answer if anyone asking about me and Eja. Hopefully she'll meet a better guy. She's a nice lady. Strong on the inside and out. People should treat her nicely. She was my best politic discusser. Most of the time we're in different side of opinion. We used to debate and arguing for hours.

I hate to be a living sad man. Right now I'm trying to heal and moving on. I should get serious with the band. Start collecting materials and stuffs or maybe continuing on study for degree (I'm just a diploma holder)

I'm sleepy already. Do we always need to end a writing properly to please the reader? No, we don't have to. Good night.

1.22 am, may 2nd 2011

Perhentian Island.

leaving on a jet plane.

tolong temankan saya malam ini encik john denver..

what's left

Its been 4 days since I broke up with eja. senyap je. semua benda bergerak perlahan. breaking up might be the worst decision ever. well, its not my decision anyway. she's wants it, so I just agree with it in silence. silence is my thing. most of the time, I shut my mouth off. I'm not in good any come back words when we're fighting. lagi bertambah teruk kalau aku bersuara.

I cleaned my room yesterday. it's been a year since my last time, I guess. found a lot of stuff. some still useful like my missing guitar string set, coins, abandoned lyrics I wrote quite some times ago and some just plain trash. the reason I clean my room is because I can't sleep in front of the tv like I always did anymore.

I'm going to Pulau Perhentian tomorrow. I always thought it would be our greatest holiday ever. me and eja. thought this would give us more energy to our relationship. you know, like giving the relationship the "spark" again. well, since we've broke up, I guess it will be just me, fahmi, syuk (and his girlfriend linie) and bunch of other people I don't really know. I'm going to drive my car. it's going to be a long journey. tiring but it's good anyway. driving car would give me some time to think. I live in a fast and hectic world so I don't have much time to think about serious stuff. most of my decision I've made in my life, I did it quickly and sometimes spontaneously. beli rumah dekat sendayan pun aku decide dalam sehari je.

Anybody who haven't watch scott pilgrim vs the world, go watch it now. it's a good movie. tak macam scream 4 hanjeng tu.

p/s: This entry was written in english so the writer could train his english writings. gua memang gagal dalam bahasa inggeris. jahanam, bukan salah pun sekali-sekala ye dak?

sial lah

bila gua mula bagus
gua suka cari pasal
gua hilang respek kat orang
sekarang gua rasa bebal
dulu gua benci orang tak pandai respek orang
gua terkena balik
gua silap lah
sial lah..